Season 1 · Episode 5 - When Family Relationships Break: Reaching an Adult Child and Restoring Connection
Dr. & Mrs. Davis answer two difficult family questions: how should parents respond when an adult child walks away because of the family’s beliefs, and how can someone keep reaching out to an estranged sibling?
Episode Summary
Dr. & Mrs. Davis address the painful reality of an adult child walking away from the family because of its beliefs. They emphasize that the solution begins with the parent, not by trying to “fix” the child. Parents should examine their own role, consider whether the child truly understood the reasons behind the family's rules and convictions, and recognize that rules without strong relationships can contribute to rebellion.
A major theme is the importance of understanding. Parents are encouraged to explain not only what they believe and what rules they have, but why. As children mature, parents should patiently answer their questions, repeat truth when necessary, and use everyday situations as teachable moments. The goal is to keep the child's heart while helping them develop wisdom and understanding.
For parents dealing with an adult child who has already walked away, Dr. & Mrs. Davis encourage continued love and communication, humility about parental failures, and a willingness to apologize where appropriate. They also discuss the importance of not enabling destructive behavior. Loving an adult child does not necessarily mean protecting them from the natural consequences of irresponsible choices.
The episode also addresses an estranged-sibling relationship. When another person refuses communication, the Davis's encourage continuing to pray, keeping the door open, and looking for appropriate opportunities to demonstrate love and appreciation. They emphasize not giving up on the relationship and asking God for opportunities to reconnect.
Finally, they encourage parents to look for opportunities to praise and appreciate an adult child who has gone away from the family's faith. While correction can push a person's heart away, appropriate praise and genuine appreciation can help draw the relationship closer.
Key Takeaways
- When an adult child walks away, parents should begin by examining themselves rather than focusing exclusively on what is wrong with the child.
- Rules are important, but the relationship between parent and child must remain stronger than the rules.
- Children need to understand why their parents hold particular beliefs and why family rules exist.
- Parents should patiently answer children's questions and repeat important truths as children mature.
- Everyday experiences can become teachable moments that help children connect principles with real life.
- Keeping communication open is especially important when an adult child has rejected the family's beliefs.
- Parents should acknowledge and apologize for their own failures when appropriate; there are no perfect parents.
- Loving an adult child does not require enabling destructive or irresponsible behavior. Sometimes appropriate consequences are necessary.
- When a relationship is damaged, prayer can help identify personal failures and provide opportunities to demonstrate love.
- When possible, continue reaching out rather than permanently cutting off communication.
- Look for opportunities to praise, appreciate, and encourage an estranged or struggling adult child instead of focusing only on correction.
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